Bedtime has been rough for…
Well, let me back up.
Bedtime has been out of whack in general for like, six weeks now.
But bedtime has been especially bad and full of tears and yelling and dysregulation this whole week.
I’ve been so tapped out myself by the end of the day that I can barely even muster the energy to care. Yes, me who literally wrote the book on taking your kid’s perspective, am sitting in my tearful child’s room waiting for them to finally fall asleep and thinking angry disgruntled thoughts to myself about how frustrated and tired I am and how hard this is for me, me, me and how they’re just making it harder on ME.
Anyway, while I drove myself to a doctor’s appointment today I thought about my kid with empathy. (funny how that happens when I’m very certainly not in the same room with them and they couldn’t possibly make noises at me) and I resolved to myself that I would do something different this bedtime.
Our connection has been really shaky for a lot of days. I know that kids’ attachment styles are pretty much cemented in early toddlerhood; I’m not fearful that I’m damaging them for life or whatever. I know that that kind of parenting through fear is really misguided. I know that it’s been so hard for me because I’ve been completely overwhelmed and I’m trying to put on my own “oxygen mask” before bailing out my kids. I know they have lots of good, supportive people other than me. Still, I don’t like feeling so disconnected from them, and so tapped out that I don’t even have ideas about how to help.
So. Something different this bedtime. My kid adores music. I figured I’d play some of her favorite Trolls music while we brushed teeth.
It turned into a silly little family dance party. And then we went to bed.
And you know what? There were still tears. The victory here isn’t “nobody cried”. Because all feelings are allowed, and it’s hard to go to bed when things are hard and life feels shaky and your mom is hurt and you start school in a new country soon and you’re tired.
The victory here is, Mom was regulated.
The victory here is, enough energy, enough ability to access my thoughtful self and not just my survival self, to think forward into the future, to decide to make any change.
The victory here is, a deep breath of clean air.
