Three scenarios about my children (5 and 4) (fictionalized, but compiled from real scenarios) and the way that parenting shifts based on what actually happens…instead of what I might imagine will happen.
***
Summer: I’m a scary monster and you run away from me.
Apollo: OK. AAAAH!!!!! Scary monster!
Summer: (super offended) NO! I’m not a monster!
Apollo: oh, ok. (They keep playing.)
(Me internally: “Summer you literally JUST SAID you were a monster. He’s just trying to play with you according to what you just said!!”
Me internally: ughhh. Deep breath.
Me internally: wow. That really set me off for a second. Maybe because I can see how hard he’s trying to play with her. Okay. Is he upset? No he’s not. Is she upset? No she’s not. They’ve moved on. Does this situation need me? It does not. Is kids’ play always logical? Nope. All is well here. I move on too.)
***
Summer: I’m a scary monster and you run away from me.
Apollo: OK. AAAAAH!!! Scary monster!!!
Summer: (super offended) NO! I’m not a monster!
Apollo: yes you ARE!
Summer: no I’m NOT!
Apollo: yes you ARE!
(Me internally: “Summer you’re obviously the one in the wrong here, you literally just told him you were…”
Me: nope, okay, play is very fluid and both kids have different understandings of the situation. Right now Summer is having a hard time making herself understood to Apollo. I can help.)
Me: Summer, you’re not a monster? (Literally just echoing what I’ve understood thus far)
Summer: no! I’m not! I’m a monster when I put this on! (Lifting up a blanket)
Me: ahhhh, I see. Apollo, Summer isn’t a monster yet, she has to put the spooky blanket on her head first!
Apollo: ohhhh.
Summer: (puts the blanket on her head)
Apollo: AAAAHH SCARY MONSTER
Both kids run away playing.
***
Summer: I’m a scary monster and you run away from me.
Apollo: OK. AAAAAH!!! Scary monster!!!
Summer: (super offended) NO! I’m not a monster!
Apollo: you’re not a monster?
Summer: no!
Apollo: but…but you’re a monster!
Summer: I’m not!
Apollo: (starting to get tearful/angry) but you ARE!
(Me internally: okay I can understand his confusion and I also see him having a hard time explaining himself. Maybe I can help.)
Me: Apollo, you’re confused what Summer wants?
Apollo: yeah!
Me: because you thought she wanted to play monster?
Apollo: yeah! She plays it!
Summer: no I want Apollo the monster.
Me: Oh okay, so Summer meant to ask you if you can be a monster and chase her?
Summer: yeah!
Apollo: Apollo’s the monster?
Summer: yeah!
Apollo: okay. RRRAAAAGHHHHH!
Both kids run away playing.
